The FrankFiles have returned yay.
This is a big one, I hope you have time. I've been hoarding my rage.
Much has happened and I don’t remember all of it, but here goes, and forgive the time delay.
Darth Vader pimping mountain dew?? Yes indeed. Darth Dew, at your local Taco Bell. Is it just me or does that sound like something you wake up with and then shower because of.
Here are some other marketing ideas:
1)Obi Wan adult undergarments.
2)Use the Force condoms.
3)Leah Organa feminine hygiene products.
4)Yoda age creme.
5)Jar Jar juice.
6)Ewok Miwok village.
7)Stormtrooper riot helmets.
8)Lando lube.
9)R- WD-2-40. and C3P-OJ.
10)Jawa jerky
11) Chewbacca’s dandruff control shampoo, or how about Chewy-bacco chaw, or wookie cookies.
I could go on and on but I’m making myself cry. Do you have any ideas? let me know, win a prize.
By the by, the third Star Wars movie was not too bad.
Guys, you ever wonder what it feels like to be a woman in a shoe store?
It’s the same way you feel when you go to the hardware store.
I think that Victims of Hurricane Katrina seem a little ungrateful. Of course don’t get me started on W and his six week vacation.
I'm thinking about dissalowing comments because the likes of penis enlargement, poker, and viagra are ruining it for everybody. Unless I can figure out a way to sort the comments I will be forced to shut them down. I think there are about fourteen thousand of them at the moment with more comming in every day.
I know that much of America has fallen in love with American Idol. Whatever. I take great pride in the fact that I will never watch an episode. In the ads for this show I see contestants in tears because they have either been booted off, or will proceed to the next round. I can't help but wonder is this what entertainment has come to? This is, in my mind, the absolutely worst thing for entertainers or artists. People want instant stardom. They go up against other talent, and compete against them, for the one shot at fame, all the while being subjected to ridicule by industry "experts" in front of the whole world.
1) Why do they compete against each other. Art is not a competition.
2) Why do people think that anything is instant. You have to work at it.
3) Stardom is not about musical talent. We confuse the artist with the entertainment personality. One has talent the other is a publicity whore like Paris Hilton.
4) How does subjecting oneself to ridicule have anything to do with anything?
5) Here is an idea, has it ever occurred to you losers to JOIN A STINKIN BAND!!!!!!
6) Or how about writing some songs. What a bunch of idiots.
Remember those crazy things you did as a kid, and when you think back on them, you laugh, and say, someday I’ll tell my folks, but maybe you never do.
I used to stuff apples full of firecrackers and throw them into the air and blow them up.
I used to smoke pot out the bathroom window.
How many of us would take our parents liquor and replace it with water.
My parents thought I went to the prom once.
Some of you have heard the story of me getting wasted with some friends and then my folks asked me if I wanted to drive home (I had a permit). In the fog. On a curvy mountain road. At night. I couldn’t say no, or they would have wondered why, so drive I did. I didn’t do to bad either.
Share them with us on the FrankFiles! It will be fun.
Everybody has those things that when you think back on them, no matter how much time goes by, you cringe.
In the petroleum maintenance industry they encourage us to share "near misses" at the safety meetings. What are some near misses you might have had in life?
I once was backing up a van in a warehouse, and the guy backing me up was standing between the van and the back wall. My feet got tangled up and I came withing about three inches of putting him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. As it was I only succeeded in giving us all heart attacks. (Never stand between a moving vehicle and anything.)
Also, I had been drinking one day, and decided to get out my paint-ball gun. I shot off a few rounds into the back yard, and then one of the paint-balls got chopped in the chamber. So I used my barrel squeegee and then stuck the barrel up to my eye and looked down. Then when I fired it at the ground a paint-ball shot out! I could have lost an eye if it had gone off in my face.(Alcohol and guns don’t mix, ever, even paint guns.)
My new job has me working on gas station sites.
I've heard stories of people driving the wrong way through the carwash because the front was coned off.
Of driving over wet cement to get to a not working air hose.
I saw a video of a woman who had jammed the gas-cap into the nozzle handle, then when a static spark lit up the fuel, she pulled it out and sprayed it all over the place. She died the next day.
A station surrounded by orange cones, and people, one after another, driving up and asking if there was any gas.
We are trying to sell our rental. It has termites, and is being tented for fumigation. Our tenants are living in a hotel for three days. What fun.
I am literally making myself sick over all this crap. I want it to be over. I hope it pays off.
Tom Cruise in love with Katie Holmes? Who you trying to convince dude. Just come out of the closet. It's ok.
Just when you think people people couldn't get any dumber...
South Africa's state-funded labor mediators, who usually work to end other people's industrial disputes, went on strike on Wednesday after their own pay talks deadlocked.
A convenience store worker has admitted urinating into a soda bottle, causing a customer who drank from it to become violently ill, his bosses say.
Some people make X-rated home videos with their cell-phone cams.
A man arrested after a traffic stop fell asleep before an officer arrived to administer a field sobriety test. But authorities say James Lovato, 50, had been through it before — it was his 18th arrest on a charge of drunken driving.
An attempt to erect the world's largest popsicle in a city square ended with a scene straight out of a disaster film — but much stickier. The 25-foot-tall, 17 1/2-ton treat of frozen Snapple juice melted faster than expected Tuesday, flooding Union Square in downtown Manhattan with kiwi-strawberry-flavored fluid that sent pedestrians scurrying for higher ground.
A thief went after a precious metal and paid for it with his life. It was copper electrical wire in a live high voltage power line.
Police in northern Ohio on Monday rescued eight children whose parents told authorities they kept the kids in locked cages for their own protection.
A 12-year-old girl in Tennessee who was watching a police presentation about drinking and driving unexpectedly saw a gruesome photo -- of the remains of her father.
A 17-year-old was sentenced to 11 months' detention at a juvenile facility for a string of crimes that include the online posting of revealing photos and celebrity contact numbers from Paris Hilton's phone.
The Indiana Daily Student noticed recently that ginger-flavored cookies for sale at Indiana University in Bloomington are called "ginger persons" instead of the more traditional "gingerbread men.”
Thisis just wrong.
Check out Napoleon Dynamite soundbytes.
Wanna see a picture of Kate Moss doing coke?
"I don’t know, I ate some shit I ain’t never ate before."
-Former redneck co-worker when he was asked "Did you have a nice anniversary?"
"I could back right over it, would you like that?"
-Redneck when I told him he’d placed my orange cone on tope of my wet paint. I turned the color of his neck and steam came out of my ears. If I hadn't been on the clock there could have been a brawl.
"Ah sen yo ass back ta Messico. Free ticket."
-Big black woman talking to a little Hispanic woman at a gas station. Really.
"Goodbye motherfuckers!"
-Black dude in the movie Platoon, as the freedom bird takes him back to the world.
"You want me to take him out back. Kick the shit out of him?"
-Charlie Sheen in the movie Major League.(Did you know Wesley Snipes was in this movie?).
For those of you new to the FrankFiles, please forgive my bad spelling and punctuation.
For those of you who disagree with me, too bad.
Actually I welcome disagreement, but bring proof, studies, sources.
My mission statement is this:
You have the inalienable right to believe in whatever you want, just as long as you don’t interfere with my inalienable right to believe in whatever I want. I believe in things that can be proven.
There is reality, and then there is fantasy. Until something can be proven, it is no more than a belief or theory. I don’t mean really proven because that’s not possible, but ninety nine percent proven. We can be ninety nine percent sure that the sun will come up in the morning, but not one hundred percent. Eienstein had a theory of relativity which is ninety nine percent proven.
The Bible has a theory of creationism which is about one percent proven as apposed to evolution which is ninety nine percent proven. There is nothing wrong with having faith in something that is not proven, just please, please, please, have the mental integrity to know the difference. I hope that I will try to do the same.
I don’t hate America. I love America. Some people think America is to be blamed for everything. Get a life, loser. Some people think America is always right no matter what. Open your eyes and get out of denial, dumbass.
I love America because we allow the FREE EXCHANGE OF IDEAS, such as this here blog.
The Republicans are for the most part rich white Christians, (ouch, I know, sorry) or at least two of the three. The Democrats are everyone else, including hand wringing artiste types who are always sad and think that it is possible to save the world. It isn’t, so stop worrying about it.
The Christians are pissed because they have had so much for so long and now some is being taken away. They believe they are being persecuted because some people don’t want taxpayer dollars to be spent on GOD, as GOD is an individual concept.
The Liberals are so busy being pissed at the “Christians” that they forget which Christians are worth being pissed off at. Most aren’t. About one percent of the bible thumping right is really worth being pissed off at, because these freaks are downright scary, and I think most Christians would agree, if they stopped and thought about it.
Some people are just jerks.
George W. Bush is a complete and utter idiot. He will continue to keep his head in the sand until the day he dies.
Stop me if I repeat myself (the Mission Statement doesn't count).
Leave comments.
Terrorists should be killed. End of story.
Men are brainless dogs when it comes to beautiful women.
Women are crazy, but smarter.
When an opportunity comes along, grab it. It might not come along again.
Get advice from someone who knows.
Work hard, have fun.
Don’t worry about spending eight fitty, on a friggin martini (or whatever) now and then.
Embrace insanity, I do.
Rock and Roll.
Get advice from someone who knows (I know, I repeated but this is very important).
Some things in life are worth fighting and dying for. Some things are most assuredly not.
The best things in life aren’t things, but people.
Be happy. Life is short.
Behold, though he cometh unto the dawning of the night,
and though he wealdeth the great Dirkaltwyr; battleaxe of mercy,
above his swollen head, yeah, his sexual prowess, beauty, mental capacity, and ego, shall know no bounds, for it shall be written, and lo, it shall be done that the great one shall return unto the earth, raging both against the machine and the dying of the light, and too, against much else shall he rage,
for he is come, the great one, the only, the powerful, the almighty, FrankFiles hath returneth, unto ye, oh, mortals. Be warned.
-From the book of Frank, cerca 9/11/2005, ib. id. e pluribus unum, quid pro quo, amen.