Thanks for checking in with the FrankFiles. I’ve noticed that some strangers are beginning to check it out. Awesome! (Does anyone know who penis enlargement is ? [2.7] )
Happy 4th everybody!
Party!
Be safe, insane and have fun.
The United States of America is a special place with beautiful ideals. Let freedom ring.
Thanks again.
Love Frank
Which category do you fit into?
Choose the answer that best suites your opinion:
1)Bill Clinton is the Anti-Christ and Ronald Reagan is a great man who changed the world.
Or
2)Ronald Reagan is the Anti-Christ and Bill Clinton is a great man who changed the world.
Just about all Americans believe either one or the other. But in reality neither is true.
I will not see Michael Moore’s movie. Want to know why? Because in his opinion, everything the Conservatives do is wrong, and everything the Liberals do is right. I believe this way of looking at the world is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY FOR OUR COUNTRY!
Rush Limbaugh does the exact same thing, only from the other side of the political spectrum. The only difference between the two is that, I think, Michael Moore actually believes what he says, and Rush, I think, knows that he is just making money by galvanizing his listeners to hate the Left. Again, unhealthy, and selfish, not to mention very destructive.
Don’t be extremists, people! It will bring all of us down if we can’t think clearly because our minds are clouded with hatred of people who don’t think like ourselves!
That being said, Dubya has got to go. He is an idiot, and I don’t need Michael Moore to tell me all the reasons why. Just read the bad-newspapers.
I am also not going to buy, former President-and-adulterer-Clinton’s book.
By the way, If I can only accomplish one thing while on this Earth, one freaking thing, it would be to keep my promise to my mate that I WILL NOT CHEAT. Is that so freaking hard? You make a lifelong promise; keep it for crying out loud! Otherwise don't get married. Simple right? You'd think.
Has everyone rushed out to buy the limited edition Dale Earnhardt Jr. bucket of chicken from K.F.C.? Better hurry. Run hillbillies, run!
A boatload of African migrants washed ashore at a nudist beach in Spain.
A Republican senate nominee is refusing to stand down despite his ex-wife's admission that he used to take her to sex clubs where he would force her to have sex with strangers in public.(By the way, cheating is OK, but only if your partner is there to watch. Yeah!)
A Judge is facing the boot after using a penis pump while trying cases in court.
Gwyneth Paltrow prefers playing Mozart to baby Apple over husband Chris Martin's Coldplay tracks.
Scenes showing Colin Farrell's penis have been cut from a new film he's made - because it's too distracting for audiences. Sorry Ladies.
Sharon Osbourne has been named the most important person in rock, beating the Devil into second place. (Uh, I believe it's Ozzy who is in rock, not Sharon.)
The Bush Administration in their idiot wisdom has told AIDS prevention programs not to talk so much about the use of condoms. It seems the most powerful man in the free world thinks that abstinence is the best way to prevent AIDS. Un-freaking-believable.
I had a funny..Idiot! Stupid! Moron!
Ok, sorry...
I had a funny image the other day. I took care of two restaurants that happened to be side-by-side and when the girl at the first one saw me again as I took care of the second, she said “Are you prowling around out here?” Being that there was a women-only fitness gym right next door, a funny image came to mind; me, standing out front, hands cupped against the front widow, face plastered to it, saying; “Yeah! Work it girl!” I was smiling to myself for about two hours after that.
Newsflash: The ‘Get tough’ approach to crime prevention does not work. Imagine that.
You got to love the dudes out in the cove by SBC Park, paddling around with brooms. The Giants swept the hated Dodgers. Two almost bench clearing brawls ensued. They meet again on Monday in LA, and you know it aint over. Bring on the A’s.
How many people remember the seventies when everyone would just throw all their garbage out the window of their cars.
“Give a hoot, don’t pollute.”
-Woodsy Owl.
“I think he’s in the shitter.”
-Former co-worker of mine, when asked by a very well groomed and rich older lady; “Is Bill here?”
‘You know he aint messin’ when he shows up with Wesson’
-Mock ad for cooking oil in a Playboy.(From my teenage years, Mom.)
“Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and Powerful know he is.”
-Jean Anoulh, The Lark, 1953
“Problems are only opportunities in work clothes.”
-Henry J. Kaiser, d. 1967, saying
This one is so long that I am breaking it into two pieces. 4.7.1 and 4.7.2 Take your time reading them, and as always, HEED THE CALL!!!!
Let us all raise our hands in prayer to the powers of the FrankFiles! Take my hand people of the far Left and far Right, and perhaps with a little work, and a little dialogue we can come together a little bit!
Morals vs Ethics.
I find it ironic that Nancy Reagan is now championing the stem cells research cause. Ol’ Ronnie, like Dubyah, because of his personal beliefs regarding abortion, made it very difficult for scientists to study these very miraculous cells. Now Ronnie is dead. Now you have thought about it. Props to you, Nancy! At least you have the ability to change your mind about something. Perhaps it wasn’t “God’s will ” after all. Too bad you didn’t think of this twenty years ago, but props nonetheless. Perhaps you can talk some sense into the rest of the Right wing fools. Good luck. (By the way, the tissue from aborted, and miscarried fetuses is, if not used, THROWN AWAY. If a life is so sacred then use this stuff to save one! )
Learn from Nancy, people. It is too late for Ronnie, but it’s not to late for YOU!
You might still be saved from everlasting ignorance, but you must learn, oh people.
I will try to talk sense into the other side of the political spectrum, who, unfortunately are just as ignorant as the people Nancy has to deal with. Maybe, just maybe, the Left will change their minds, and not try to shove their narrow minded Morals down the throats of the rest of the world, much the same way as the Right did, and does. I’m talking about GMOs.
Ladies and Gentlemen, science is not something to be afraid of. Quite the contrary. Are there risks? Of course! There is not one single thing that anyone can do that doesn’t involve risk. Our cars are the most obvious risks that each of us takes everyday. Yet still we drive.
GMOs are a miraculous way in which we might better the standards of living of millions of people. Do not be afraid. Things might get screwed up. But we shall forge ever onward, and we shall do the best that we can. Always. Will people get rich? Of course. What better incentive is there then money, pure and simple? Hopefully that is not the only reason we forge onward. We do, however, live in an Economically based society.
Do not, Liberals, be afraid of the WTO, or of Globalization. What better way, then trade, to share our standard of living with emerging Nations? Put down your signs. Read a medical journal, or an economic analysis, or the results of a double blind, controlled study.Put down your supplements and herbs The studies show them to be nothing more then a waste of money. Set aside your Astrology. It’s a fantasy.click here to read my bible Communism has failed. Capitalism has not...yet.
But it will if the people it supports are ignorant, and take to the streets in protest of things they know nothing about.
Amen.
And now for something completely different:
Did you know that the newest thing in High School graduation presents is a new set if tits? High school. I said High School!
By the way I didn’t get the job, but I learned a valuable lesson: If you want the job, don’t show up late. Twice. (I know I should have allowed more time. Go away!)
At my present place of employ, however, I arrived the other day at the usual 7 AM, and noticed the following in the neighbor’s back field.
1) A Momma wild turkey
2) Six baby wild turkeys
3) Two brand new baby fawns
4) Momma deer ( I just realized that wanting to write dear instead of deer is not because of illiteracy, but because of habit.)
5) Two young bucks
6) A jackrabbit
7) Various birds
8) A cat that was stalking all of the above (What the hell gets capitalized?)
I know, I know, why would I want to leave that work environment. Well I’ll tell you why: Ten freakin’ years that’s why. Also...
Recently there were two restaurants on the same route that had Cockroaches come out of the paper towel dispenser. Yummy!
Did you know that men are beginning to bikini wax? Is it just me or is America too fat, stupid, rich, and lazy for their own good?
A nine year old boy in Colorado was found with a ‘Nurse Chasey’ blow up doll under his bed. An adult novelty store is now talking to the authorities.
By the way, what is it about blow up dolls that is so comical? I find such dolls hilarious. I would own one myself, purely for the humor, but they are ridiculously over priced. It must be that perpetually surprised ‘oh!’ look they all have. It’s just funny.
You know what else is funny; when Cops hog-tie people. That’s funny! Cops should hog-tie people more. Then pepper spray them. That would be funny.
A teacher at a DWI awareness picnic was arrested for being drunk and trying to drive away from the picnic. She didn’t make it out of the parking lot. Everyone thought it was a demonstration at first, but then they cuffed her and drove her away. I bet the ‘awareness’ is much better now. I wonder if she was hog-tied.
A drunk stripper in Scotland was found in the cockpit of an airplane wearing only her G-string, and a teddy. She doesn’t remember how she got there but was heard saying, “That’s the last time I drink Tequila and Champaign.” Duh?
Lance Armstrong is suing the people who have accused him of using steroids. People, don’t go up against Lance! You will loose. Not even Cancer can stop that guy.
“Maybe the French would win the Tour de France if they all imagined they were being chased by a bar of soap.”
-Email to the Jim Rome show.
Some guy swallowed one hundred and sixty two baggies of Cocain. He was reportedly passing them for about three days. The authorities said that he would most likely be dead if even one of the bags had ruptured.
I saw a meter maid golf cart in San Rafael that said ‘Enforcer’ on the bumper,
a la ‘Mad Max’.
Try this at home, Kids! Ever have trouble parallel parking? Of course you do! Next time try looking in the reflection of a store window to see the rear of your vehicle. It works great.
Classical music and Aroma therapy are being used in a Mexican jail to try and calm down some of the most dangerous prisoners.
Thieves who stole a public toilet in a Belarus city accidentally kidnapped a man who was sitting on it at the time.(I hope they kept it upright.)
Madonna has reportedly changed her name to Esther.
Rapper Jay-Z has apparently hired a chef to cook chicken wings for him.
A 12-year-old girl parked her bicycle to go on a short shopping trip and came back to find it covered with 12,000 bees!
A couple having sex in an Aberdeen city park, had to walk home naked after their clothes were stolen by a thief.
A Swiss car insurance firm has been sent a bill by a motorist after he literally ran into the back of his own car while chasing it down a hill!
Residents of an Austrian village called F*cking, have voted against changing the name. (Vamos a F*cking)
A man who sprayed tear gas at another man after a staring competition has been arrested. (Hog-tie!)
A couple who spent their $30,000 savings after being struck down by killer illnesses have been given the all-clear. Oops!
That’s enough. I’m done now.
Enough! Can we please bury the poor guy already, for GODS SAKE!!!! I know, why don’t we just name everything after good o’ Ronnie. All the roads. All the libraries, all the schools. We can paste his grill on all the money too.
Here is what I remember about the Reagan years:
1) The firing of the Air Traffic Controllers.
2) Turning all the mental health patients onto the streets, thus, the homeless problem.
3) The collapse of the Soviet Union.
4) A deficit moving into the TRILLIONS.(Thank you, William Jefferson Clinton, President and Adulterer, for fixing that mess, a mess that is now being re-done by Dubyah.)
5) Clear cutting of old growth forests.
6) Just say no.
7) Iran Contra.(this stuff will make you sick)
8) The ‘Trickle Down’ theory.
8) “We’re working on it.”
I understand that he was an important figure in history. But come on already. Do we really want to grant him sainthood, now that he has bought the proverbial farm? ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!
Now is it just me, or would a “Great Man” have worked out a COMPROMISE with the Air Traffic Controllers. Like, oh, I don’t know, perhaps, Nobel Peace Laureate, Jimmy Carter would have done? He Fired every one of them. Thanks for watching out for the working man Ronnie!
He was selling WEAPONS TO OUR ENEMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Need I say more?
I won’t even go into the death squads in Central America, groups that Human Rights Watch has documented fully, I might add.
The Soviet Union turned out not to be nearly the threat everybody feared, and he bankrupt them. They have still not recovered, and millions of people now live in poverty under the rule of murderers and thugs. Thanks Ronnie! (But we are safe. I guess that’s all that really matters right?)
Bye the way, what the hell happened to the supposed “Liberal Media”? The Republicans have gotten an entire week of free press for their party...and counting.
Stupid conservatives.
Now, on to discuss stupid Liberals!
Genetically modified foods. While watching this protest crap on the morning news I suddenly realized that the FrankFiles need to give out a weekly award. I will call it the G.A.L.L. awards. That stands for GET A LIFE, LOSERS!!!!
Visualize World Peace? How about Visualize getting a job. Try Visualize taking a shower, stupid hippies! Visualize reading the occasional science journal, on the subject you are trying to force every one else to not make use of. I’ve said it before; you are never going to feed the World with Organic Food. You will never rid us of pesticides without GMFs. What's wrong with you people? Do you even stop to think? At all?
Try to grasp this concept:
For thirty years millions of people world wide have been injecting a product DIRECTLY INTO THEIR BLOOD STREAMS and that product is 100% BIOTECH!!!This product is saving their lives everyday!!! Its called INSULIN.
And you losers want to raise hell over a food that has ONE GENE spliced into it. How many genes does corn have? Millions?
Idiots.
Do I sound pissed? That’s because I am. You know what? Everybody sucks ass!!!! I hate all of you!!!
Not really.
My sister Margaret said she doesn’t read FrankFiles because she wants to read about happy things. “Like butterflies”. Sorry, Sis but that just isn’t going to happen. Try the Discovery Channel.
GLOC:
“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
From the movie; Network.
By the way, the whole "Monarch Butterfly" story is totally false. There have been five separate studies done, some by the National Academy of Science that discounts this scare story. You dorks can take off your ‘Frankenfoods’ costumes and calm down. Let the rest of humanity live in the modern era, please.
Movies have taken a turn for the worse in my humble opinion. I call this phenomena “The Dances with Wolves Syndrome”. Ever since Kevin Costner made that Oscar winning film, movies went from the standard one-hour-and-twenty-minutes, to all of them being way too long. Try the editing machine, people.
There is a dog named ‘Adolf’ living in a German Animal shelter. No-one wants poor ‘Adolf’. He will be put to sleep if no-one claims him. Try naming the poor guy ‘Blackie’ or something. How about ‘Rex’?
Here is an idea for people who make radio adds. Why are you putting sounds of cars honking, tires squealing, and glass shattering in your adds! People who listen to the radio are usually driving in their cars!!!
J-Lo and Mark Anthony have gotten married. Why? It’s due in six months, that’s why.
The makers of the Anti-Depressant Paxil are being sued because some of the people on the drug have committed suicide. If ever there was a question of cause vs. effect then this is it. People who usually take Anti-Depressants are depressed, right? It stands to reason that if the drug doesn’t work, they would become more depressed, right? Some might commit suicide right? Lets blame the Drug company!!!!! My very own Doctor told me that it was a “trial and error” process. “but we will get you better”, said he, “be patient”.
By the way, anything that claims it's 100% guaranteed to work, is 100% bullshit. Guaranteed. By me. Nothing in life is 100%. Especially not anything having to do with medicine or health.
Why when you go to the big retail stores, are employees called ‘Associates’ and customers are called ‘Guests’. That’s just lame.
Forty Niner star line backer Julian Peterson turned down a fifteen point five million dollar signing bonus. Life must be rough in the Peterson family. I can hear it now. "No, I think I'll pass. I'm good."
The lady who sued the Red Sox because her face stopped a baseball at the ball-yard lost her case. Good.
Henry Hill, the guy that the move ‘Goodfellahs’ was based on is doing the talk show circuit.
Bob Huggins got arrested for drunk driving. He was weaving all over the road and when they stopped him they found vomit on the driver’s side door.
“Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.
For lo the winter is passed, the rain is over and gone;
The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing
of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines
with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise my love, my fair one and come away.”
-Bible, The song of Solomon 2:10-13
That’s just beautiful. So is this.
“Wynken, Blynken, and Nod, one night
Sailed off in a wooden shoe
Sailed on a river of crystal light
Into a sea of dew.”
-Eugene Field, Wynken, Blynken and Nod, c 1880-95
Late.
The equipment manager of an NBA team was arrested for managing his equipment in front of a hotel window. He is in jail on indecent exposure charges.
Remember the lady who found a mouse in her soup at a Cracker Barrel? It turns out she planted the beastie. She is now explaining it to the authorities.
A man in Jacksonville, Florida, has been seriously burned by a firework he'd intended to throw at his girlfriend.
Is it possible to be in lust with a mannequin?
Check thisistrue.com for more crazy stuff, like this dude, who is just nails.
Juan Catalon of L.A. spent five months in jail on a murder rap. His lawyer knew he was at a Dodgers game so he dug up the tape and, lo-and-behold, there he was! The trial that could have cost him his life, has been dropped.
I sometimes wonder when I see deep brown eyed ladies with platinum blonde hair, such as brainless Britney or Jessica Silicon Simpson; ‘does the carpet mach the drapes?’
By the way, dimples rock. Katie Holmes, Katie Kouric , Drew Barrymore, Halle, Etc.
Halle Barry and her husband are getting a divorce. He was cheating on her. Dude! I guess some people are just plain stupid. Halle is all that and a bag of chips.
Speaking of Halle, you know a woman is beautiful, when all the women are saying so too.
Mr and Mrs. Dogg are also getting divorced. Snoop and his wife were high school sweethearts. Aaaaahh!!!!!! Is nothing sacred??? I have no hope.(sob)
A secretary at a high school in Wisconsin was sending nude photo’s of herself to students. Now ordinarily I would crack a Michael-Kelso-like-grin and say “yeah! that’s hot!!”, but remember boys and girls, this is Wisconsin.
Speaking of Ashton, I suppose most of you know that he and Demi Moore are getting married. Ashton, I hope you are good with tools because, how shall I say it, I believe your bride-to-be is a little high maintenance.
People don’t want to go to the Olympic games in Athens. Actually there are some NBA players who don’t even want to play either. In all honesty, I can’t really blame them. Thanks, terrorist freaks! You have screwed things up so bad that not even the Olympics can go forward. Maybe Jesus really is on his way, riding his great fiery chariot, not as the Lamb but as the Lion. If this were the case I would be first in line to say, “Thanks for coming. We sure do need you. Atta-boy, J!”
We should take responsibility of our relationship with the brutal dictatorships we have helped along by buying oil from them. However I would like to point out that we are not alone. France, Germany, China, Russia to name a few, are all in line to get a slice of oil pie.
Yankee stadium had recently dropped Cracker Jacks because it didn’t sell well. They were going to replace it with the more popular ‘Crunch-n-munch’. Yankee fans were, however, up in arms, so now they have switched back. Who ever wrote the song ‘Take me out to the Ballgame’ should get a very large check from the ‘Cracker Jacks’ folks.
Why is there not a single bookstore in Vallejo? Wait, check that, why are there no bookstores that are not ‘Adult Bookstores’ in Vallejo?
A meteor landed in Seattle.
Have any of you seen the Discovery Channel special on Killer Ants? Holy mother of God!! I think I will have nightmares for a month.
I recently interviewed for a job. They made me take several computerized Personality Profile tests. I took them. This is some of the stuff it came up with:
...maintaining a high level of intensity and emotional drive in the work environment.
-You are not inclined to live by the clock.
-Generally, you are an enthusiastic and intense personal producer.
-You should be effective at motivation others toward goals.
...you prefer to delegate the tasks requiring attention to detail...
-Usually, you are thorough and concerned with quality; however, you tend to quickly become bored with detailed work..(!!!)
- Inclined to work effectively with team members, you will set and maintain quality standards.
-You can be creative and are willing to experiment with change.
-You often pursue problems with a sense of urgency. (how the hell..???)
-Resourceful, you will devise new ways to accomplish goals.
-Usually you are willing to accept new responsibilities. (I like the usually part)
-Generally, you can work effectively without close supervision when tasks and objectives are clearly defined.
-You are a self-starter who needs minimal guidance and supervision.(Damn straight!)
-You recognize opportunities quickly.
Take a personal interest in people as individuals...
Tend to adopt an informal manner in group situations...(No, me?)
...balance candor and sensitivity to encourage the exchange of productive ideas.
...show an emotional approach to problem solving...gut feeling
... occasionally a dreamer..
...use an emotional approach to decisions.
It goes on, and all of it, even the bad stuff, is dead-on!
Ok, now HOW THE HELL DID IT KNOW ALL THAT!!!!?????
Crazy and scary at the same time.
Did you ever do this as a kid while taking long trips in the car?
1) Imagine that the car was jumping from shadow to shadow.
2) Imagine that there was a huge knife jutting out from the side of the vehicle that ould cut off all the trees and poles as you went by?
3) At night did you ever squint your eyes so that the headlights of the oncoming cars blurred and when you blinked, they looked like laser beams shooting at you. Also the tail-lights were rocket thrusters.
Now before you think to yourself ‘self, Frank is insane’ go back in time for a moment. See what happens.
GLOC:
“What do you see in the dark when the demons come?”
-From In the Line of Fire with Clint Eastwood and John Malkovich.
Today’s theme is tolerance:
“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not and ye shall not be condemned: forgive and ye shall be forgiven.”
-Bible, Luke 6:37
“The highest level of education is tolerance.”
-Helen Keller, Optimism 1903
“No law or ordinance is higher then understanding.”
-Pluto, Laws, 4th cent. B.C.
By the way, the quotes I put in FrankFiles are not (all) just rolling around in my head all the time. I actually bought a little pocket sized book filled with quotes just for FrankFiles. Some of those old dudes I have never even heard of. Just so you know.
Bye bye, for now.